Life Is Beautiful (And Broken)

I walked into my house one day to find a photo that I had sitting on a shelf in the entryway laying broken and face up on the floor. My cat, Sox, has a bad habit of jumping to shelves, counters or tables and knocking whatever he can find to the floor, and that day was no different. On most days, the typical instincts of heading straight for the broom to clean things up would likely have kicked in, but not that day. As I looked at the photo lying on the floor, I instead pulled up the camera on my phone, thinking that I must take a picture of the irony it presented. The photo was of my entire family, taken when we all had gathered for my mom’s 80th birthday. It was in a frame that read “Life Is Beautiful”. And here it lay, the glass shattered in the frame but the photo and the message intact.

Such is life. How many times have we felt broken, even unable to pick up the pieces? And yet, we realize our life is still full of blessings and joy. Realizing that we can have joy and sorrow at the same time is, at first, hard to comprehend. But our hearts are big, and capable of so much. Nothing has taught me this more than the loss of my husband. He died of ALS almost two-and-a-half years ago, and this grief journey is not for the faint of heart. But it has taught me about the co-existence of my feelings and emotions. In one day’s time, I can feel so happy as I stop by to see my grandchildren. The love that fills my heart as I watch them play is immeasurable. As I drive home from there, I feel the sadness set in as I am reminded that I am going home to an empty house, again. In a few hours, I will be on a zoom call communicating with ALS patients and their loved ones as we work together on my new purpose, finding a cure to this horrible disease, and I feel complete joy in my connections with these wonderful people. And I’ll go to bed tonight with my grief, the same grief that wants to sleep with me every night. I tell it to go away, and sometimes it does. But either way, each day is an opportunity for reflection and acceptance of the full range of feelings we can have all at the same time. Happy. Love. Sad. Joy. Grief. Broken. Beautiful. Your heart may be broken or have a hole that can never be filled, but that doesn’t mean your life can’t still be beautiful. Allow it all to co-exist, and be happy that your heart is big enough to handle it.

It was a normal Tuesday morning, other than the fact that I had taken my friend to her radiation appointment. She has terminal, stage 4, bladder cancer, and I had volunteered to take her to this same radiation appointment for the past several days.

So you have a baby, or two, or more … and suddenly you’ve gained a new title, Mom. A title you had wondered about most of your life, and now it’s yours. You learn that there is a love beyond anything you could have imagined. Sure, you love your spouse, your parents, your siblings, and your friends, but not like this. These little people become your whole world, and you suddenly understand what they mean when they say unconditional love.